Where to Invest in Oil?

Two billion dollars we sent to Brazil
So they could look for oil to drill.
We’d better drill off South Carolina
‘Cause Brazil’s gonna send their oil to China.

 2011 in Review—Readers Digest Version

Earthquakes, tornadoes, floods and fires and such;
The economy has improved, but not by very much.
Gridlock, it continued up on Capitol Hill.
Politics is compromise, but they never will.
No year has ever passed without a brilliant spot.
Al-Awlaki was blown up; bin Laden and Gaddafi shot.
The Arab Spring gave us hope ‘bout change in the air,
But looks like the Brotherhood will gain power there.
We left Iraq the other day, now they’re on their own.
I hope we haven’t thrown away the sacrifice we’ve known.
National debt is way too high, employment in the tank.
Now it’s time for us to guess who we are to thank.
The year gone by had lasted way too long.
I do not know about you all, but I’m sure glad it’s gone.

 They Left Us in 2011

We lost lots of folks in 2011.
Some are in Hell; some are in Heaven.
Some were great, of that there’s no doubt.
Others, we’re better off doing without.

Sargent Shriver and Jack LaLanne.
We won’t see David Broder again.
Frank Woodruff Buckles, the last GI
Of World War I, at 110 did die.
Jane Russell and James Arness
Were considered among the best
To come out of Tinsel Town.
Elizabeths Taylor and Edwards laid down.
Geraldine Ferraro, comedian Dave Brenner
And Harry Coover, Super Glue inventor.
Williams Rusher and Schaefer, too.
I guess Jack Kevorkian knew what to do.
Larry Eagleburger and Peter Falk
And Betty Ford took the long walk.
Amy Winehouse, ‘cause of drugs she had done,
Delores Hope, Cliff Robertson.
Dan Wheldon in his Indy car,
Vaclav Havel, the Czech freedom star.
Andy Rooney of TV fame,
Smokin’ Joe Frazier (his boxing name).
Henry Morgan, one of the best.
They also laid Steve Jobs down to rest.
Al Davis, that football guy.
I know it was time for Cheeta to die.

Now here are some names you know very well
Who now occupy their places in Hell.
Osama bin Laden, killed in his lair,
Anwar  al-Awlaki, from a missile up there.
Muammar Gaddafi got his justice due,
Kim Jong-il, he rots in Hell, too.

I know there are some I probably forgot.
You’ll go when it’s time, ready or not.

 2011 in Review

The year started out with violence galore.
Dead Christians in Egypt and so much more.
Gunmen killed folks all over the place.
It happened last year at a horrible pace.
Gabrielle Giffords was shot in the head,
Also a child and five others dead.
Gunmen killed folks in college and town.
They even shot a deputy down.
A deputy sheriff and mother of two
Was killed in Ohio. It’s sad but it’s true.
Some people tried to strengthen the law
To stop folks from totin’ pistols and all.
Others said it’s a God-given right
To protect against criminals who actually might
Attack us if they think that they can
Assault an unarmed woman or man.

The Middle East saw their “Arab Spring.”
It’s yet to be seen what all that will bring.
Egyptian President Mubarak resigned
And most Egyptians, it seems, have aligned
With the Muslim Brotherhood.
I do not think that’s very good.
But James Clapper was heard to say
Even that might be OK.
We sent our planes to bomb Libyan soil.
Some people say we did it for oil.
The Syrian cabinet, they just up and left.
Assad just keeps on racking up death.

The embassy bomber was sentenced last year.
It doesn’t mean we have nothing to fear.
Terrorists attacked a lot overseas.
Looks like they bomb wherever they please.
That’s not all we had to dread.
Pirates shot four Americans dead.
A home-grown terrorist in the heart of Norway
Killed 76 people in just one day.

Tornadoes, mudslides, floods and fire
Predicted a year both hectic and dire.
The most tornadoes hit in one day.
Two-hundred eleven were counted, they say.
The most tornadoes on our history
Hit us in April—seven hundred, five three.
A blizzard, one-third of the country hit
And that wasn’t even the worst of it.
Disasters of nature, we had the most
Expensive in history from coast to coast.
That’s not all there was to be.
Strong winds toppled our Christmas tree.
But disasters did not just hit here.
They brought misery to folks far and near.
Earthquakes and tsunami hit in Japan,
Brought death and destruction to people and land.
Then a nuclear facility
Spread radiation on land and on sea.
Disasters occurred near everywhere.
It’s a dangerous world out there!

Emanual became Chicago’s new mayor.
I hope he can clean up the politics there.
Rod Blagojevich just couldn’t beat
The rap for marketing Obama’s seat.
Up in Wisconsin Democrats fled
Rather than vote for a budget instead.
California got a new boss in town,
They had him before. They know Jerry Brown.
“The Hammer” Delay was sentenced to jail
While John Edwards walks free on his bail.
Elizabeth Edwards died but not ‘til
She cut John out of her will.

John Boehner was sworn in as the Speaker.
Will he stay strong or will he get weaker?
The Constitution is now read on the floor.
Will the Congress respect it now any more?
The GAO said we spend too much dough
On wasteful, duplicative programs, and so
Solyndra received a taxpayer loan.
One-half billion was all quickly blown
On renewable energy dreams
And political friends, or so it seems.

Paul Ryan unveiled an ambitious plan
To cut six trillion and show that it can
Really be done, if only we will.
But it just went to the Senate to kill.
Congress went to the limit and yet,
Left us with fifteen trillion in debt.
Unemployment, over eight percent.
Despite the stimulus that was spent.
Our credit rating was rudely downgraded.
Seems our economy was overrated.
The Super Committee failed to help out
In finding two trillion lying about.
If you do the deficit math,
You’ll see we’re running down Europe’s path.

Two billion dollars we’ll give to Brazil
To help them out for oil to drill,
While we slow-roll our drilling here
In hope wind and solar power appear.
Fast and Furious was a dumb plan,
Shows what the gov’ment will do if it can.
Still our Congressmen dither and talk!
Up in Boston, they had a Slut Walk.
Anthony Weiner resigned in disgrace.
Will another pervert just take his place?
Obama’s approval is dangerously low
But Congress is way below his, don’t you know!

Ted Williams, we hear, fell off the wagon.
The Auburn Tigers spent the year braggin’
About beating that west-coast Oregon team
Who, apparently, just ran out of their steam.
Green Bay won the big Super Bowl
And UConn were basketball champs, we are told.
And I guess everyone knows
The Dallas Mavericks did it in pros.
UVA were the champs of lacrosse.
In golf, Chari Schwartzel, he is the boss.
Coach K, winningest coach of them all;
Nine-hundred and three in basketball.
Junior quarterback R. Griffin, Three,
Went back home with the Heisman Trophy.
Rafael Nadal did more than just hopin’
That he’d be the winner of last year’s French Open
And after that was over and done
Djokovic won it at Wimbledon.
Pro basketball is playing again
After the lockout came to an end.
Did you hear that loud Clemson cheer?
Dabo Swinney is Coach of the Year.

The Court said radicals can demonstrate
At military funerals and spew out their hate.
Some courts said that Obamacare
Has no constitutional prayer.
Other courts said that it may stand.
It’s up to the highest court in the land.

Obama said trials at Guantanamo
Should resume but Congress said, “No!”
Holder said that it is a fact
That he won’t defend the DOM Act.
Obama said Jews should return to the past
’67 borders. How long will that last?

Terry Jones, now there is a man
Who thinks it’s smart to burn the Koran.
Now I will grant you he has the right
But it proves to me that he’s not very bright.
France banned the burqa from wear.
Too many Muslims wearing them there.
Prince William married Kate Middleton.
All Britain hopes they’ll soon have a son.

Charlie Sheen was fired from his show.
I sure was glad to see him go.
 “A citizen no more!” said Superman.
He said he was no longer a fan.
Whoever thought he’d ever say
He no longer supports the “American Way.”

Schwarzenegger admits a child with the maid.
That is when his wife, Maria, bade
Him farewell and wished him a life
Of happiness without her as his wife.
May 21^st, the world did not end.
In 2012 we’ll try it again.
The final shuttle went into space.
I guess we’re no longer in the space race.
Oprah finally went off the air.
Some people cried. Others don’t care.
Guess what happened one October day?
They unveiled a monument to MLK.

If Casey did not murder Caylee,
Who did remains a mystery to me.
Amanda Knox got out of the jail.
If she is guilty, she’ll never tell.
Conrad Murray was found guilty, though,
Of  killing Michael. Who didn’t know?

Too many women accused Herman Cain
Of sexual harassment and causing them pain.
Jerry Sandusky, up at Penn State,
Accused child abuser, arrested too late!
Joe Paterno, fired right away
Because he knew but just wouldn’t say.
Syracuse U fired Bernie Fine
Because he couldn’t keep impulses in line.

General Petraeus, on Obama’s relief,
Retired to become the CIA Chief.
Leon Panetta now heads up Defense.
Will he reduce their dollars and cents?
Gays in the military can come out now.
They say it will strengthen our forces somehow.

Occupy Wall Street’s all over the land,
Pitching encampments wherever they can.
What is the future that they want to see?
Growing the government and living for free?

Bin Laden, Awlaki, Gaddafi are dead.
Dictators and terrorists should live in dread
That if they sing the terrorists’ tune
They will get theirs, later or soon.

Iran captured a Sentinel drone.
Tell me why that drone wasn’t blown.
Now they threaten to close down the strait.
Regime change is needed before it’s too late.

Folks in Iowa are ready to caucus.
The campaign so far has been ugly and raucous.
It all causes most folks to dread
What is in store for the new year ahead.

We left Iraq, tattered and strewn
With treasure and blood. Was it too soon?
The world economy is still in the drain.
2011! Boy, that was a pain!

Who Would Have Thought?

Who would have  thought a cosmic event
In the evening sky,
Would have caused three wealthy men
To leave home and try
To follow that rare and mystic star
To wherever it may lead;
To see if it was the sign
The scriptures had decreed?
Who would have thought?

Who would have thought one poor man
And one pregnant girl
Would have to travel ‘cross the land
For census of the Jewish world?
Who would have thought when her time came
He was only able
To find a place for her to rest
In a livestock stable?
Who would have thought?

Who would have thought that shepherds there,
On that peaceful night,
Would hear an angelic  chorus
And see a heavenly sight?
And when their fears were calmed
And they went into town,
Who would have thought they’d see three kings
Kneeling on the ground?
Who would have thought?

Who would have thought in that barn,
Lying there that night,
Was a child who would grow up
To counsel peace and light
And bring hope into the world
And begin religion new
That would live in hearts forever more?
I’m sure nobody knew.
Who would have thought?

Pity the North Koreans

A hell of a guy was Kim Jong Il.
That’s what North Koreans say.
He did such amazing things;
His greatness always on display.

He was always in command.
His golf skill was displayed
When he made five holes-in-one
The first ever time he played.
He scored in that inaugural game
Thirty-eight under par
And, they say, when he was born
So was a brand new star.

The hamburger, he claims, he did invent.
Now you can determine whether
He really did amazing things,
To include control the weather.

This we know is really true,
It cannot be denied,
He lived a lavish, selfish life
While his people starved and died.

He smoked cigars and drank his fill,
Cognac was his booze.
He ate lobster most every day
While Koreans grubbed for food.

The people suffered through his dad
And suffered through the son.
I’m afraid they’ll suffer still
Under Kim Jung-un.

An Epilogue for the Super Committee

You couldn’t come together to find a compromise?
You couldn’t find some common ground? You couldn’t even rise
Above petty party politics to fix the killer debt?
You say you’re looking out for us, are dedicated, yet
You posture, then sit idly by when you could do such good.
You could have fixed this awful mess, if you only would.

Shame! Shame on you who pass the moment by;
Who forfeit your place in history. Your actions now belie
Your pious claim of devotion to this land we love.
We will survive, no thanks to you, with assistance from above.

Crawl back into your cozy place up on Cap’tal Hill
And hope the people will forget, though I doubt they will.
And as you live the years to come and review the times gone by,
Remember what you could have done, and how you really didn’t try.

A Plea to the Super Committee

Do your duty! You know how!
Do your duty! Do it now!

It’s not the time for timid souls
Who shrink when facing moral goals.
Rise above the party line!
You must act now, there’s little time
To save us from the certain fate
Of becoming the late, great
“Shining city on the hill.”
There’s little time, but time still.

You were given a sacred task.
Do your duty! That’s all we ask!
What will you be honored for?
Party fealty or something more?
Will you stand up to save the day
Or let your legacy slip away?

Do your duty! You know how!
Do your duty! Do it now!

 Friendship’s Name

It was hot and sticky on that July day
In a God-forsaken land a world away
When a jeep pulled up in a swirl of dust
And from the back seat a hand was thrust
Attached to a body with a name tag that said “Park”.

“Hi,” he said, “My name is Phil.
I didn’t come here to maim and kill
Because my brass, as you can see,
Shows that I’m your new AG.”
Suddenly our circumstances didn’t seem quite so dark.

He had a bright, shiny face and a head of hair
And enthusiasm (out-of-place there),
Eyes that were clear but kindly, too,
A uniform that looked brand new
And a spanking clean M-16, shoulder slung.

We all said “Hi” and “Welcome aboard”
And with a nod pointed him toward
“The Villa” (as our hooch was called),
And as we watched we all were awed
That a US Army captain could look so young.

But by his looks we were deceived.
Soon we would be relieved
To find maturity beyond his years.
His smile and wit belayed our fears.
He was, indeed, wiser than all of us.

Now Harv and I had time in grade
And Legg his patriotic duty had paid,
And yet this guy so damn naïve
Helped us all to really believe
That it was actually worth all this fuss.

And as the years faded away
And all of us began to say,
“It wasn’t worth the sacrifice;
It wasn’t worth that awful price.”
One guy kept his head on straight.

He always knew what we had done
And he was always the one
To keep us focused on important things
Like understanding how freedom rings,
And most important is one’s mates.

As the years were done,
Who was the one
To keep in touch?
It didn’t take much.
“Do you remember me?” his clear remark.

It took the love of one young man
Who does the very best he can
To keep the things that are worthwhile
While we all try to “success” compile.
Friendship’s name is Philip Park.

Where Was the Money When I Needed It?

My gov’ment check comes in the mail
As regular as can be.
They print it out every month
And send it straight to me,
But I can’t use the money now
To buy the things I like:
A brand new car, a pickup truck
Or motorcycle bike.
I can’t use the dough they send
To buy a little cheer
Down at the local bar and grill
Where I used to go for beer.
I’d like to use the cash they send
To travel overseas
Or go out to the country club
And hit golf balls off of tees.
It’s awful nice of those good folk
Way up there in DC
To be so darn dependable
‘Bout sending checks to me.
The money keeps a’coming in.
They think it’s apropos
To send to me my pension check,
Though I died ten years ago.
If you’ve got all that extra cash
That you don’t care to save,
Just come out here to Memory Hills
And dump it in my grave.